Well it has been a rough couple of weeks here at my house with all of the sickies! It started with Spitfire, she had a fever, headache, sore throat and ears. I took her to the doctor and they gave her an antibiotic. It went away for a week and then came back, so we did the same thing again meds and it was gone. Then I got really sick with all of the same symptoms but knew I had Strep and a sinus infection, I was down and out for 3 days solid. My meds made me feel better and I was back on my feet and feeling great! Now Spitfire is sick again!
I now know with her and her Crohn's, her sinus' will act up causing all of her pain and antibiotics is not the answer, they don't help! I had no idea about any of this. I was getting so frustrated with her pediatrician and in fact it wasn't her fault at all, just Crohn's!
I keep getting asked how I stay so up-beat and positive with all of this and all of her symptoms and problems. My answer is always the same, if I don't say strong and positive... she won't either. If I don't stay positive all of the thoughts and sadness can and will take over and I will be useless to her and my family. I always feel a negative person is a sad person and they typically annoy me. Why be negative all of the time, that logic can't make life very fun! So I refuse to be that person and I refuse to let this disease win and control our lives. Yes it will control my Spitfire's life to a degree, but I hope not on her outlook on life!
I am not trying to kid myself here though, I am being honest when I say... I have meltdowns! Not uncontrolable crying ( well sometimes tears), but mental meltdowns. I get sad and question everything I do and say. I question the doctors, I question what should I or could I have done. I feel so bad and sad for her, it sometimes gets a little overwhelming. I am not a rock of stone with no feeling or emotions about this. I just try to conceal my feelings and thoughts for her and my family. I feel it is my duty to be the strong one and sometimes that alone can be overwhelming if I feel like I have let them see me upset or when I talk about it out loud for her and them to hear!
I do know that I have not and will never question why. I don't know why, but I know God knows why and that is answer enough for me! I will continue to lean on him during all of this and after this! He is seeing me through this and for him I am grateful and give him praise! He is the rock in all of this who I know I can stand on when I need to! I give him all of the glory in this and that helps me put a smile on face after I get or hear bad news or when Spitfire is down and not feeling well. God is working miracles in my life and even if I haven't seen them yet, I trust in him enough to know he is!
I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have a child who is ill all of the time and their is not a thing you can do for them to make them feel better. I am a mother praying and begging for everyone to help spread the word about this disease and to beg everyone who reads this to join me at The Fundraiser, Dinner Dance for Straton's Team on April 24th, 2010! Please if you are interested in coming email me at amberm11283@yahoo.com! If you want to help but can't make the event feel free to make a donation to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation by going to www.cctakesteps.org and search for Straton's Team and make a donation for our team!
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I have felt what you're feeling although my experience with a child that is ill (but perfect in the eyes of God) is different. Since Kelsey was a baby through most of our ordeals I think it was easier. Although, as she became a toddler, seeing her have so many headaches, not being able to tell me, and not knowing why or what to do it did become harder. Every doctor gave us bad news for over a year. We always knew God had it and it was all for His glory. You're doing an awesome job at staying positive. Sadly, it's all you can do most of the time. You are being a rock for your children even though you're not made of stone. It's a hard balance. Stay strong and in the Word.
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