My Spitfire's birth story

I was 38 weeks pregnant when we realized Miss Spitfire wasn't giving me any signs that she wanted to come out. J had his orders and he was leaving in February for Iraq. He was at Camp Atterbury the entire last month I was pregnant! So I asked my OB ever so nicely if she would consider inducing me so he could not only be here for her birth, but be able to see her a couple of times before he left! She was very hesitant to be quite honest. I was hoping and praying, had everything on my body that could cross, crossed! She saw my desperation and said yes! We were scheduled to go in January 28th at 8pm!

So that night my wonderful mother took my Angel for the night, actually the entire hospital stay! J and I made it to the hospital, it was so snowy and icy out! I got all hooked up to the most wonderful sounding monitor in the world... the fetal heart rate monitor, I love it! I had some inducing gel inserted ( sorry TMI, but I can't remember the name of it)! I was told to get some rest because we would be starting the pitocin in the morning when the doctor came back to do her rounds on all of us pregnant momma's that were there that night! Of course I couldn't rest, I was SOOOO excited! My mother and father in law came up and sat with us for awhile. J was so tired and all he wanted to do was go to sleep. He did, his parents left and it was just me and the T.V. I finally fell asleep really late, only to be woke up about an hour later in serious pain. I received my epidural around 4ish. I called my mother in law to let her know I was in labor and I was at a 6, so if she wanted to be here she needed to get on the move ( especially with road conditions being a little scary)!

I woke J up to let him know...she is ready to come out! I then again called my mother in law ( it had been about an hour and she still wasn't there). She told me to close my legs and hold her in until she could get there, lol :) My doctor came in and said yes, she is definitely ready to make her entrance! I got really excited, but a little scared too! I couldn't wait on my mother in law, I had to push and had to push right then. 3 pushes later, we heard a very loud cry that actually sounded like a high pitched squeal, but our second little girl was now laying on my stomach! My mother in law walked in as soon as laid her on me, LOL! She had missed it, but we were still thrilled she made it when she did! Spitfire looked just like our Angel, but a lot chunkier ( or at least it appeared that way, lol). January 29th at 6:29am she weighed 8lbs 3oz and was 19in long. She had a head full of black hair and beautiful golden skin. She looked like a little Indian baby. She was beautiful!

We were at the hospital for 3 days, J returned to Camp Atterbury after being gone for 5 days. I drove the girls ( yes a newborn baby) down there a couple times a week before he left. J left for Iraq 3 weeks to the date after she was born. He came home 12 months later and she was 13 months old!

Today Miss Spitfire is 7 years old! She has grown up so much and so fast! She is truly living up to her nickname, my Spitfire. She is beautiful, but has some serious sass and attitude. She is the tell like it is kind of girl, but feels bad after she does it :) She is spunky with a style of her own, she loves sports and anything she can do athletically! She loves school and is liked by everyone! She is a fun kid that I just can't believe is 7 years old. The years flew by and I am sure the next 7 will be just as fast! Happy Birthday my Sweet Girl, I love you!!!!

Controlling Chaos

Wow, Dr.Phil did a story on my life, but used different people today! It was so weird for me to sit down and watch this. I never get to watch Dr.Phil and today I sat down to relax before the girls get home and it was called "Controlling Chaos"! The Mom is 27, her husband is a firefighter (not the same as J but consist of the same hours away from home), they have 4 children and their 2nd child was being a terror. The Mom is overwhelmed all of the time, no breaks, but to go to the store!Her husband is always at work and she's at home dealing with 4 fighting, arguing, defiant, crying and screaming kids all day, everyday! This is my life!!!! I was just in awe of this actually being on TV, I kept saying, "oh my gosh this is my exact life"!

To lay down at night to go to bed and all you can think about is your head pounding because you have done nothing, but nag and yell all day. Your kids went to bed thinking you were mad at them. Struggling to be nice to them after they have been so horrible. Trying really hard to reinforce positive attitude when you really just want to give up. Wanting to run sometimes, but have no where to go, but your bathroom! Wanting and yearning for adult conversation or company! Most of the time wanting to have people visit, but not really wanting anyone to stop by because your house is always a mess and you would never want anyone to see it ( even though all you do is pick up and clean)!!!! These are a couple of my struggles that I deal with daily!

I LOVE my life, my kids, my husband, my FAMILY, but sometimes it can be overwhelming! I am usually not this honest with my family life. I am not sure how some will feel about this or me after reading this, but I don't really care...it's my life! I don't hate my life at all and I hope this doesn't come off as everyday is bad or depressing. I am not a depressed person no matter how overwhelmed I am. My life is great, just sometimes it gets overwhelming! I just kind of go into the wishing phases I have. I hate the wishing phases after they are over. I do not envy as I know this is a sin, but sometimes I wish for better days, more of an adult life, more understanding from people when I need to vent, wishing I didn't need to vent, wishing I didn't feel like a horrible Mom, wishing my kids could see how much I try, how much I love them even through the troubled times! I just find myself wishing!

No parent knows how to do everything perfect and I am absolutely the first to say I am NEVER perfect! I always wish there was a parent fairy to help me in situations I have no idea how to deal with! I always try to find the right answers when my kids ask me a question, I always try to think about what I am about to do or say when my children are acting up, but sometimes my nerves get the best of me and I explode... not a good feeling at all!

Back to my Dr.Phil episode, he helped me to see how my parenting is more damaging to my children than it is helping. I need to be more positive, I need to stop raising my voice, I should always stay calm and controlled and they will too. I need to stay consistent with my punishments and pick my battles. I really think everything he said to my "mock family" was so helpful and true. I feel a little better about the battles I will be facing in the evening with the girls and their arguing!

I will say Dr.Phil said how important it is for a stay at mom to get her breaks!!!!! YAY, Dr.Phil :) He said that DOES NOT consist of going to the store! I was sooooo excited to hear him say this. He said Moms need adult life, adult conversations, girls nights and date nights with spouses! I ocassionaly get the date night, but MAYBE 2X's a year I get a girls night! I will be working on this, maybe this will help with my insanity, my anxiety, my overwhelming nerves! J works tons of hours each week, so me finding time or a babysitter to go out will be tough! It is a goal to try and get out 2x's a month, once with J and once with the girls!

I have always felt ashamed to feel these feelings, let alone blog about them. I just always feel like I am the only Mom who lives like this... until my "mock family" came on Dr.Phil! Please if you are a stay at home mom with no life, but your children, tell me your secrets to stay sane everyday! Tell me your secrets to feel rejuvenated to start the next day with a nice clean slate! Tell me any and all secrets that I don't know :) My eyes and ears are completly open :)

#3

Miss Sunshine has brought to my life 3 experiences that a mother dreads and most of the time fears! She is definitely my monkey! She has turned into a wild child for sure. She climbs, she jumps, she eats whatever she finds, she has me on my feet all day...chasing her!

Yesterday was just another wild day for her and I! She and Wild Man were playing and they were jumping on his bed. I always tell them no and put them down just for them to hop right back on it 2 minutes later! Well today was no different, except we got a nasty boo-boo from it. Sunshine was jumping and fell into the corner of the window seal that is next to his bed. She had a small cut above her right eyebrow! I immediately knew it needed stitches. She was quite the trooper though. She let me clean her up, clean the cut and bandage her up until we could get to the ER.

Well we get to the ER, just her and I. J stayed home with the other kiddos. We waited almost 4 hours. She was remarkably good for a 4 hour wait. I was complemented by 2 older women on how well she was for being 22 months and waiting so long! We did make at least 4 visits to the snack machines though, lol!

When we finally got in the room she saw a bed with a pillow and was so excited. It was way past her bedtime and I brought her bed stuff...blankie, baby doll and her bottle!!! She got up their and laid down on the fluffy pillow and covered up and was ready to go to sleep. Then the "mean lady" came in to mess with her. They used a numbing cream and waited 20 minutes. Then the ugliness started. I was already crying because she was starting to pucker due to being pinned down. My poor baby screamed and cryed while getting her 3 stitches and so did I ( well minus the screaming)! When she was all done I picked her up and loved on her while the doctor was cleaning everything up. Then the doctor came over to see how she was and Sunshine says "Mommy gib me boo-boo"! I freaked out because the whole time she was getting stitched up I was singing to her ( in a horrible crying out of tune voice) and reassuring her that it wasn't me who was doing it. I felt so bad for her! She did get 2 suckers out of the whole ordeal which made everything ok, lol!

She is the baby of my 4 kids and I have had to expereince a febrile seizure at 16 months, a knocked out a tooth at 20 months and now stitches at 22 months! All of these bad experiences have happened to HER! She is one who I know I can not take my eye off of for a second now. She is prone to accidents and prone to getting injuries. My son was and still is wild. but I haven't ever had to deal with anything but a scrape here and there. I thought for sure he would be the first for this! She is just nuts and needs 24 hour survalence I think, lol!!!

We go back in 5 days for the wonderful removal of her stitches...which I am sure will be just as big of a fit as getting them put in ;( Wish us luck, not just on the removal, but for her over all... that we don't get anymore bad boo-boos or trips to the ER!

Laundry

I HATE doing laundry. I honestly don't mind to put in the wash, but folding and putting it away is something I dread. To be quite honest I only put it away when you have to stretch your arm so high to reach the top of the pile I have sitting on the dryer. When it gets like that, I separate it into baskets for everyone to put away their own clothes, well minus my Sunshine!

So today I have 4 laundry baskets... yes I said 4! I know it is sad, but again I HATE doing laundry! Anyway, these baskets were sitting on the floor in my living room up against the wall. I was making lunch and I look over to see Miss Sunshine pulling every single piece of folded laundry out. She was not only just pulling it out, she was unfolding everything, rubbing them up against her face BEFORE she tried to put every article of clothing on.

I was upset at the fact I had to fold it all again, but I couldn't help but just laugh at her! She was being so cute and honestly she was sitting still for longer than 5 minutes, so I didn't mind! I went on making lunch and she sat there for almost 20 minutes just playing in the clothes. What is it with nice, clean, folded laundry that makes a child (ages 16 months-24 months) want to play in them instead of toys?! All of my kids did this when they were little, so this is nothing new really! She just sat and enjoyed the clothes, where as my other children just loved to unfold it and watch me re-fold it all :)

I will be honest yet again and tell you I only re-folded 2 baskets worth. I just shoved the other clothes in the baskets and put them all in the laundry room so she couldn't get to them again. So as I get off of here tonight it is 11pm and I am going to sit my lazy butt on the couch watch some TV and fold 2 more baskets of laundry again!!!!

I wish there was a laundry fairy who folded and put it all away for me, even if it was just once a month! So if anyone wants to be my fairy I will have some baskets ready for you :)

It finally hit me

"God will never give you more than you can handle"

I have been thinking about this phrase all day! I am normally an upbeat kind of person. I try very hard to make it a point not to get upset or depressed over life's issues... that are unexpected! I used to be just the opposite, I used to get down over every little thing! I realized one day that me being depressed or upset is not going to change the outcome of the situation...so why waste a day being like that!

Well back to my post on 2010. My van was in the shop for almost a week with the whole battery issue. After a week of driving it again, J hit a rock or a HUGE piece of ice a week ago while driving my van home from work. It messed the van up immediately, we had to have it towed to an auto shop...yet again! Well today (another week later) I got the call I was waiting on, to see if it was fixable and how much... Of course it is NOT fixable. The rock or ice, whatever it was, put a hole in my engine and bent or wrecked the frame. This means we are down to one vehicle and that is just not something I am used to at all! J works every single day and some days are doubles! My kids have very busy schedules usually and I try to get out of the house a couple days a week. This puts a huge damper on my weekly routine :( I am now stuck to the house almost 24/7 since J works so much! It will be a huge adjustment for both the kids and I.

This is where IT finally hit me... the sadness, the depression, the tears, the everything! I just feel like it doesn't matter how much J works or how much we try and get ahead, it never works out! We keep falling in this hole and I feel so bad for J. He works too hard and too much for us to have fallen in this hole. The hole keeps getting darker and every time I see a speck of light something else happens and it is just so depressing. I tried, I actually tried very hard to stay positive after I got the phone call this morning, but no matter what I did or thought of, the feeling was still there. I hate being like this, it's not me anymore! I am a happy go lucky kind of person. I usually just say hey it's life and we will make it through this and anything else that is thrown at us... and we will! I know this is nothing life threatening and there are a ton of people way worse off than we are at this very moment and I should be grateful for having a vehicle at all, but I can't shake the sadness and I HATE it!

J and I are firm believers in Karma! We try and do everything with this in mind. We are good people and I just feel like we are being punished for something and I KNOW God does not punish at all, so did we mess with Karma in some way and this is what we get in return?! I just don't understand! Back to my phrase of the day "God will never give you more than you can handle", how much more will we have to bare before he steps in for us? I pray, pray and pray everyday for him to help us, to guide us in the right direction, for patience while we dig ourselves out of this, for love and support, to keep my spirits high no matter what, for trust and understanding in his plan. To be completely honest, I feel like he can't hear me or he is just ignoring me. I am maybe crazy in my thoughts, but maybe he is just waiting to see how we react to things or to see how we deal with things. I feel I have dealt very well with all of this up until today. How can I shake this feeling of being ignored by the one who doesn't ignore, the one who is always there, the one I can and should always trust?!

If you have made it this far, I am sorry for the rambling and whining! It has been a rough day with just me and my crazy thoughts and I needed to get these feelings out without boring family and friends on the phone! Life will get better in time and I know this, today is just a rough day!

When does it stop????

Oh wow, I remember when I was a kid and all my brother and I did was argue and fight! He would aggravate the crap out of me and I would yell "MOM" every time! Even when I really didn't want her to actually hear me, but said it loud enough for him to think she would really respond and then he would stop, haha! She would yell at us to stop or we would both be sent to our rooms! I always hated him for getting me in trouble all of the time. It wasn't fair!!!

Well I live the same life, but as "MOM" now! Lucky for my mom she only had me and my brother to deal with. I have 4 rugrats who yell my name all day. Even little Miss Sunshine yells for me and tries to tattle on anyone who is bothering her, she is 22 months! I am going insane! I feel like all I say is, " leave her alone, stop it or go to your room, you better quit before you get in trouble, if someone else says my name you guys have had it, give it back, don't be mean, don't say that to her, apologize to him, you hit him/her you will be grounded"! The list can truly go on for pages!!! This is ALL day everyday!

When does the bickering, arguing and fighting end? When will they love each other and enjoy spending time with one another? I am so ready for that day :) I truly understand everything my mom ever said or did to us because all of this has left me frazzled at the end of each day!

If you see me on the streets with no hair... it's because I PULLED IT OUT!!!!! Ahhhhh :)

My Momma

She is the greatest person!

I love my Mom with all of my heart and being! I love my mom like I love my children! My Mom is the most giving, loving and caring woman I know. She cares and loves me like no one else in the world could!

If I ever need her, she is there. She is there quicker than you can imagine.Through out my life and all of my ups and downs, she was there! She is one I can always count on if I need advice, need help, need to cry, want to share exciting news. She is there! My Mom never judges me and if she does she never shows it. She will listen to me and tell me her honest answer whether I want to hear it or not. She is the most honest person. She never gossips. She never tells my secrets. She is awesome! I love every minute of time I spend with her.

We never get one on one days because I always have my kiddies with me, but when we do... I treasure that time! She becomes a sister and a best friend to me. We share stories, we laugh and I always cry. I don't know what it is with this awesome woman, but I always cry when I am talking about my kids or life... she will get teary-eyed and then we will giggle that we are crying yet again, lol :)

My Mom for all of you who don't know this remarkable woman, she is the BEST Nana to my babies!!! My kids LOVE her! My kids talk about her all of the time. They call her with nothing to say just to talk to her. They enjoy every second they get to spend with her one on one and all together! Spending the night at Nana's is not just sleeping at her house, but a night of nothing but fun... giggling, laughing, running, playing games, helping her cook, helping her clean ( they enjoy this ONLY at her house)! You name it they do it at her house and they love every minute of it!

My Mom takes the time to spend with my kids individually. She takes them one on one to spend the night or just to spend the day with her. She knows each one differently and she sees how much that one on one time means to them. They feel very special with her, a special only Nana makes them feel! It makes me so happy and proud to have her as my Mom!

She is a wonderful role model to me and my kids. I hope someday to be half the woman she is. She is beautiful, honest, loyal, a hard worker, a great Nana, a great wife, a great daughter, a great sister, a great friend, a great aunt and best of all a wonderful MOM!!!!

Mom,
Words can never really express how much I love you or how much you truly mean to me, but I hope you know you make my life wonderful! Without you I have no idea where I would be, you have shaped me into who I am. You are and always have been a good Mom. No matter what is going on in your life I hope you always know you have my heart! I love you

Is it too late

I am currently reading Sarah Palin's "Going Rogue" book and I am just amazed at what an amazing woman she is. Really it wasn't just her, but reading about her mother as well. They are amazing women and both have made a great life for themselves.

I enjoy everything about Sarah, her mothering, her education, her dedication, her marriage, her values, you name it...I love this lady who I feel like I know, but never will! She shares the same values and morals as I do ( as I am sure a lot of people do).

As I was reading her story and the story of her mother I got to thinking, is it too late for me to do great things in my life that will one day possibly shape, mold andbe a model for my children and family?! I could careless if it is greatness in the public eye, but I want to make a difference in my community. I love to help other people. I love the thought of having a skill or idea that could help another citizen in my hometown smile.

My whole reason for thinking it might be too late is because I didn't go to college as soon as I graduated high school. Instead I started my family! I did do a semester of college after my oldest girls were born, but found it too difficult at the time to do. Looking back now I wish I would have stuck it out no matter how hard it was juggling the girls, school and Jason's work schedule. It would have been worth it! I do plan on going back to school, but when is the issue right now... due to babysitter issues :( I have about 3 1/2 years left until Little Miss Sunshine starts school and I would like to have my degree in Business so I can start working.

At the ripe old age of 30 with no real work history or a resume, how will I get a good job that allows greatness to happen? I don't want that desk job that I work to make the bosses money or to help a company grow. I know that is the goal of most people looking for a job ( and that is great), but for me I want to work a job that makes a difference! I want to go home smiling everyday knowing all of my hard work and long hours has helped someone! If I am not going to be with my kids everyday, I want them to see how my time away is spent doing something good and I don't care if it pays $40K or $100K a yr ( well the $100K would be nice, hehe) but I want it to be something I love!

I hope my kids one day see this post and realize how important college is RIGHT after high school. It is too much of a struggle to get going after you have taken a break or started a family. School is the only thing of importance and I wish so badly I would have gone when I had my Angel ( right out of high school)! America is an expensive place to live and if you want to make something of yourself... you have to go to school :)

I love being a Mom and nothing makes me happier but helping contribute to my family financially is something I want to do be able to do when all of my kids are in school! I want to be the mom, wife and a helping member of society!

- pray that it is not too late for me
- pray that God makes it possible for me to go back to school and soon
- pray that our children will see the importance of school while in high school
- pray that God will allow me to fully trust in his plan for me

2010 so far...

is not what I hoped it would be!

No this is not a pity party, but a little vent... if you wanna call it that!

Christmas was absolutely wonderful for my family! The day after is when 2009 was on a downward slope and I was just hoping 2010 was going to bring greatness! My van broke down and J got a wonderful flat tire on top of the 2 low ones he has everyday! My van was in the shop for almost a week. I don't think anyone really knows how much it stinks to not have a vehicle for 5 days. J was working everyday and night, so I was stuck in the house. 4 kids cooped in a 1900 sq.ft home for 5 days is not cool. Not to mention if we did have to leave we had to pack into J's car like a bunch of sardines, again... NOT COOL! It was kind of funny though, still is when I sit and think about it!

Then I find out at my Mom's Christmas, that my uncle ( on my dad's side) was rushed to the hospital for severe back pain. He sat there all week and the pain meds were not helping. Meanwhile it was a vacation week so all of the doctors he needed to see were hard to find or he had to wait. Well today he was scheduled for surgery and I haven't heard anything yet. He had a smashed disc and without surgery it could get worse.

Saturday morning as soon as I woke up I received a phone call from J's dad telling me J's aunt (my F.I.L's sister) had passed away during the night. She had been in the hospital for I think 4 or 5 days fighting pneumonia. She was in remission from Leukemia so it was such a blow to the family. I didn't know her very well, like I know most of my father in law's family, but it is still very sad for her children and her family. We will be laying her to rest on Wednesday. I know in my heart she is happy! She is with our King and her mother who we lost 4 years ago! They are definitely celebrating together on the streets of gold! I find such comfort in knowing when people are saved and they leave this earth, they are with Jesus and their loved ones! God knew what he was doing with her. He wanted her for his Glory and I just hope the McGaha family can find the comfort in that! I am praying for all of you!

Today was not an awful day, but a day to definitely remember, LOL!!! My alarm went off at 7:30am and I must have rolled over and fell back to sleep. I woke up in a panic at 8am because my girls were to be at school by 8:30 when the bell rings. Everyone had a frantic breakfast, frantic everything actually. I had to wake both of the little ones up at 8:25 so we could walk out of the door ( they used to wake me up before the alarm clock)! Well we load up in the van and as I am driving to school, I didn't see any heavy school traffic. So I thought maybe we were just really late! I also noticed when we drove past one of the girls' friends house there vehicle was trapped in by other vehicles. So again, I said "oh maybe she is already back home since we are sooo late"! Well I finally get to school and the wonderful parking lot was EMPTY, yes I said EMPTY! The bulletin on the outside board says " Students return January 5th"!!! I started laughing hysterically only because of the mad rush we were just in! My girls laughed, but then were upset they woke up early and they didn't need too! So the girls will be returning back to school tomorrow with the rest of Franklin Township schools, LMBO :)

To finish off the way 2010 is going... J called today and had another flat tire! Oh when will this awful streak of bad tires and batteries end????

So to my 2010 that I thought was going to be so great... you suck so far! Through it all though... I am still smiling :)

She's not happy

My sweet Angel has been going through a rough couple of months now and I think she is hitting a little adolescents stage ( a little too soon if ya ask me!!)! She has been really emotional and gets really down on herself when she shouldn't be.

As a mother I know I am the one who should be able to make her feel beautiful, smart and confident. I am struggling I think... not with saying these things, but her actually believing me! When I say these nice, sweet, reassuring words to her, her response is "Mom you have to say that because you are my Mom"! I know part of that is true, but what I say to her is true. I believe she is beautiful and incredibly smart. She is an awesome kid! How do I make her believe what I say?

We were watching some goofy movie last night on Nickelodeon and I happened to look over at her and she was in tears. It was not a sad movie at all. I asked what was wrong and she didn't at all want to tell me. I had to beg for her to tell me what was bothering her. Well 5 minutes later she busted out in tears and told me. Exact words, " Mom why is every girl on TV skinnier than me, why I am I fat?" Uh, such sadness sank in for me! I was however able to process what she might be really feeling and I just sat her down and told her how awesome she is. I then proceeded to tell her that most girls on TV don't eat and if they do it's not very much. I know probably not the right thing to say, but I was at a loss when she wasn't satisfied with my compliments! She felt reassured when I told her those girls don't eat. She kind of smiled :)

She has been on an up and down roller coaster lately dealing with her body and freaking out about how much she weighs. My Angel is by no means fat at all, she has a small protruding belly and that is about it. She hates it and I feel bad she hates it. She is too little to care about this kind of stuff already!!! She compares herself to every girl in her class and of course to the ones on TV!

How do I make an 8 year old love herself and see the wonderful, beautiful little girl I see?! I want to be the Mom that she feels she can always come to and so far she does! I am worried if this awful phase doesn't end and she continues to carry these feelings with her she will resort to eating disorders when she gets a little older... and that scares the day lights out of me! I worry about this every time she has a breakdown. Why in the world would an 8 year old care about what she looks like or who she doesn't look like?! I understand this coming from a teenager but she is faaarrrrr from that age!

To my Angel,
You are an amazing little girl! You are beautiful inside and out. You have the best attitude towards life and towards other people. You make people smile! You make me SMILE everyday! No matter what you think about yourself, you can never compare yourself to other people. You have to find the beauty within yourself and believe me... you have it! God made everyone different on the inside and out. If he didn't this world would be very boring and we would all be the same. I don't want to be like anyone else... I like who God made me to be and I hope that you will love the person that God made you to be :) He knew what he was doing when he made you and I think he did an awesome job! Hold your head high baby girl and believe in yourself, I know you are going to do great things in life and I can't wait to watch through the entire journey!
All my love always and forever,
Mom
XOXOXO