My sweet Angel has been going through a rough couple of months now and I think she is hitting a little adolescents stage ( a little too soon if ya ask me!!)! She has been really emotional and gets really down on herself when she shouldn't be.
As a mother I know I am the one who should be able to make her feel beautiful, smart and confident. I am struggling I think... not with saying these things, but her actually believing me! When I say these nice, sweet, reassuring words to her, her response is "Mom you have to say that because you are my Mom"! I know part of that is true, but what I say to her is true. I believe she is beautiful and incredibly smart. She is an awesome kid! How do I make her believe what I say?
We were watching some goofy movie last night on Nickelodeon and I happened to look over at her and she was in tears. It was not a sad movie at all. I asked what was wrong and she didn't at all want to tell me. I had to beg for her to tell me what was bothering her. Well 5 minutes later she busted out in tears and told me. Exact words, " Mom why is every girl on TV skinnier than me, why I am I fat?" Uh, such sadness sank in for me! I was however able to process what she might be really feeling and I just sat her down and told her how awesome she is. I then proceeded to tell her that most girls on TV don't eat and if they do it's not very much. I know probably not the right thing to say, but I was at a loss when she wasn't satisfied with my compliments! She felt reassured when I told her those girls don't eat. She kind of smiled :)
She has been on an up and down roller coaster lately dealing with her body and freaking out about how much she weighs. My Angel is by no means fat at all, she has a small protruding belly and that is about it. She hates it and I feel bad she hates it. She is too little to care about this kind of stuff already!!! She compares herself to every girl in her class and of course to the ones on TV!
How do I make an 8 year old love herself and see the wonderful, beautiful little girl I see?! I want to be the Mom that she feels she can always come to and so far she does! I am worried if this awful phase doesn't end and she continues to carry these feelings with her she will resort to eating disorders when she gets a little older... and that scares the day lights out of me! I worry about this every time she has a breakdown. Why in the world would an 8 year old care about what she looks like or who she doesn't look like?! I understand this coming from a teenager but she is faaarrrrr from that age!
To my Angel,
You are an amazing little girl! You are beautiful inside and out. You have the best attitude towards life and towards other people. You make people smile! You make me SMILE everyday! No matter what you think about yourself, you can never compare yourself to other people. You have to find the beauty within yourself and believe me... you have it! God made everyone different on the inside and out. If he didn't this world would be very boring and we would all be the same. I don't want to be like anyone else... I like who God made me to be and I hope that you will love the person that God made you to be :) He knew what he was doing when he made you and I think he did an awesome job! Hold your head high baby girl and believe in yourself, I know you are going to do great things in life and I can't wait to watch through the entire journey!
All my love always and forever,
Mom
XOXOXO
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Amber, I'm so not looking forward to these days with Kelsey. Here is a link to an amazing book. I've read a lot of the adult version but here is one for teens. I'm not sure if she is old enough for it yet. There is a blog to follow also so you may get some feedback from that or maybe you two can read it together. That would also give her an opportunity to open up to you on a nightly basis or something. Just a few thoughts. http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/
ReplyDeleteAs far as the eating disorder thing goes, I wouldn't worry about it as long as you are being a good example. Be careful about what you say or even imply. My mom, who I love so dearly now, set me on a very wrong path with how I viewed myself. I won't go into details on a blog but it was a very scary path. Make sure your words even about yourself are positive and full of love for yourself. Also you might try getting her involved in something that she does well and will see herself succeed at.
Not going down this road yet with my baby, I don't know now much it will help. My heart goes out to you and to your precious angel. She really is beautiful!
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=35485&sp=1023
ReplyDeleteHere's another great book for raising girls to be Godly girls and women.