9 in 2 days

My first born, my Angel will be 9 in 2 days!!!! 9, I still can't believe it has been 9 years since she was welcomed into our family!
I remember everything about my pregnancy and everything about her being little. She was a beautiful baby and is now a beautiful young lady!
She is a brilliant child, she makes honor roll every 9 weeks (if not straight A's)! She is top of her class and can read at a 5th grade reading level. She takes pride in all of her school work and cares for every person in her class including her teacher!
She is so grown up this year, she has decided she doesn't want a birthday party! All she wants to do is get a pedicure, shop for new clothes, go out to lunch with just me and go do a fun activity... she has decided to go to Snapperz :) She wants the one on one time with me and I am so thankful for that. As a stay at home mom with a husband who works so much, I don't ever get one on one with any of my children. It saddens me that this doesn't happen, so I am thrilled she has chose this for her birthday this year!
The time has flown by! I miss the baby and toddler stage with her, but watching her turn into the young lady she has grown to be has been a pure joy! I can't wait to spend the day you my beautiful Angel!

Time to relax

for now anyway!

Saturday was the day I had been working on for a solid three months, My Dinner Dance for Straton's Team! I must admit I have really mixed emotions on how this night went. I will start this off with how my day started:

I woke up at 6:15am because Straton had her opening day parade and game for softball. Well at 6:45 the parade was cancelled. We had her game as it was scheduled at 9am. Her game ended and an hour later and we proceeded to the Knights of Columbus to set up for the fundraiser. I was completely exhausted. I was so tired I felt like I was coming down with a sickness. It was not a good feeling at all. So anyway, we finished set up, I took the kids home to feed them lunch and lay the babies down for nap. I immediately walked out the door to go grocery shopping while the kids were sleeping ( yes J was home)! I made it home within an hour only to hop in the shower and get ready. Straton and I headed back to The Knights of Columbus to wait on the cake and food to arrive! This is when the night started...

At 5:30 my helpers ( my cousin and Aunt) showed up to help me. I had the Dj setting up and all we were doing was waiting on people to arrive. People were slowly coming in and I was so excited to see people there. I was absolutely thrilled that Straton's teacher showed up, she adores her and was hoping all day she would attend. Straton spent the first hour of the night with her playing riddly riddly ree and tic tac toe! I loved watching them and seeing how much her teacher really does care for her :) It was a very special moment not only for Strat, but for me as well!

Well 7pm had rolled around and it was time for dinner! We had a nice little crowd there. Everyone was mingling and eating. Things were going well as they did the whole night. It was a really nice evening. My mixed emotions about this was that I had reached out to over 2000 people with this event. I worked my butt off trying to sell and advertise tickets. At the end of the night I did a head count and we had 56 people there, myself included! J and I have more than 50 people in our families. This however did not at all ruin my night. I still danced ( even though the majority of the time it was by myself, LOL)! I was just so worried the whole night that people thought I was a dud who couldn't get people there. I didn't want people to feel like they wasted their money or even an evening when this fundraiser felt very dull. No one was dancing, few people knew each other and a lot of people ended up leaving early. Again this did not ruin my night!

I told myself the day of, no matter what happens I will let nothing ruin my night or stress me out. So I let nothing bother me. I waited until Sunday morning to dwell on what I could have done or shouldn't have done. I was really bummed that all of my hard work didn't look like hard work at all. I wanted people to see how much I wanted to make a change in this Foundation and for my daughter. By looking around at the event I don't think people could feel my passion and it really upset me. After recounting the money box for the 5th time I felt a lot better, because of the generous people who did come and support me they helped me raise over $1000 to give to the CCFA! 56 people raised $1000, that is remarkable to me :) I then decided not to be upset or heart broken over anything. These people wanted to help and they did. I couldn't be more grateful! Those are the people who matter, not the ones who didn't show. They deserved my joy and thanks, not my whining or venting about what didn't happen! Everyone who helped me put this on worked hard and I think all in all we had a fun night that helped a foundation fund more research :) What more could I ask for right?!

So I have decided to be thankful for this year, but to work even harder next year! I will plan better and make the changes that need to be made! I will not stop fundraising or helping the CCFA though, it will be an everyday thing for me! I will however say, I do not for the life of me remember what I did with my spare time before this fundraiser idea came to mind, LOL!!!!

A big thank you to all of my friends and family who supported me through this fundraising process and attending my benefit. I will never forget what you all did for us to help make a difference!

Mother MD

So obviously I am not a doctor, but when it comes to my kids I often act like I am...LOL!

Miss Spitfire has been really good health wise lately, Thank you Lord! We are having a daily issue with her taking her meds though. Again this is a massive pill she must take 2X's a day. I open it up and put the contents of the pill in a yogurt or pudding ( not stirred at all). We were told to put the this in applesauce only and DO NOT stir any of it. My poor baby does not like any kind of applesauce and believe me we tried them all. So anyway... she is burnt out on yogurt and pudding. She cries almost every time I ask her to take her medicine. It can be heart breaking sometimes, cause you and I both know how it is when you are burnt out on something and you never ever want to eat or drink that ever again! Well she doesn't have the luxury of saying she won't ever eat it again.

So the Doctor that I am decided to negotiate with her. I said to her " you have done so well and we thank the Lord you have not had any bad days, let's stop the meds for ONE week and see how you do"! She was thrilled and to be honest I was too! She did awesome, things were going well ( we stuck to the diet of course, we will always stick with her new diet)! On day 6, Sunday, she cried about her stomach. She laid on the couch all evening and nothing was getting any better. Sadly she had to go to bed feeling this way cause there isn't anything I can give her to make it go away. Monday she didn't take it either, I wanted to give her a full 7 days to see! Yesterday my poor baby came home from school crying she had a headache and she had had it the entire day. She said her head was beeping and she was having a hard time seeing. I felt so bad, I of course gave her some Motrin and an hour later she was better. I said to myself, "the medicines do work and she needs to stay on them", DUH!!!!!

There is a reason she has GI doctor and there is a reason he prescribed this medicine for her! There is NO reason for me to think I could play doctor for a week and make my daughter suffer! He went to med school and all I did was deliver her... hmmmm who is more qualified to say if she needs to stay on her meds?! NOT ME!!! LOL, I am dork and yes she is back on the medicine today. I just feel so bad that she is back to the yogurts and puddings. So to all those mom's out there who play doctor like I do... DON'T!

I just wish there was another form of medicine for her take! This is just too much on a little girl who can't take a pill, let alone 2X's a day! So anyway I just thought I would share that her medicine is working and she is doing so well on it. It helps her so much and I just didn't see it!

So I will retire my MD title today :)

My walk with Christ

I just kind of wanted to write this blog so I can watch my relationship grow with Christ! I think it will be cool to read this in a few months just to see how I have progressed in my relationship and just to see how he really works in my life on a daily basis!

I am so happy where my walk is right now. I have never had this feeling before and I have to say it is the best feeling I ever had! He showing and teaching me things daily and I am loving it. I would like to point out I am nowhere where I want to be in my walk, I would like to think that right now I am at the middle mile marker of a marathon taking a water break to catch my breath!

God has shown me so much since I have found my new church home at LifePoint Church. Pastor Jym preaches to me every Sunday and I love it. Not a lot of people can say they feel the sermon hit them directly each week and right now in this time in my life...I can say that! I feel God next to me everyday. I am still struggling to give up my cursing and God knows how hard I am trying, but with over 10 years of cursing like a sailor... well let's just say I need a filter for my brain and right now it only works 1/2 the time. I hate that this has been such an obstacle for me. As soon as an ugly word comes out of my mouth I immediately feel remorse, but sadly can't take it back. So I am working on this! I am also working on my daily Bible readings. I can't stay consistent with it at all and that frustrates me so much. I sometimes say to myself well if I am reading a Bible Verse off of Facebook or Indymoms that counts. Well I am here to say that I know without a doubt that this thinking is so wrong. I know I need to sit down and have devotional time to really read study God's word. Why is this so hard for me? I can spend hours on the computer looking at this or reading that, but finding time ( quiet time) to do this is so hard for me. Again I am working on this as well :)

I am so happy in my new found relationship with Jesus Christ. He has been apart of my life since J came home from Iraq, but not really apart of my life is that makes any sense?! It has been within the last year that I have been really seeking him and letting him in my heart and life completely. I have always believed in him and I have always prayed nightly, but that was it... nothing more and nothing less. I now find myself longing for him. I find myself putting him first in my life. I find him in the strangest part of my days. I find him loving me unconditionally and always there to forgive me, carry me or pull me through. I find myself worshipping and praying constantly. If it weren't for KLove ( a radio station 101.9) I don't know how my days would turn out. I look forward to leaving the house because I know I am going to worship and my kids are learning his word and ministries through this as well. I just can't praise him enough.

My life should be in shambles with all of the sad news I have received the past couple of months and it just doesn't feel that way. I have my hard days, but more than not they are good days thanks to MY God. He pulls me through it all and I have complete faith in him to do so :) He is amazing! His love and Grace are amazing. I find myself having more Grace since last weeks sermon at church and oh my word has it made a difference the past 2 days. I find myself forgiving people and things I would of thought I could careless about. I find myself loving so many people and being able to share that love openly with them. I could go on and on and on, but for now, I would just like to say he has me wrapped around his finger like a child would be with their parents. Honestly it is the best feeling!

I know I will be in heaven someday and I love knowing who I will be with, but I also get very sad with the thought of the people I will not be with. God is a very forgiving God and I just hope all of my friends and family who aren't in a relationship with God will open their hearts and minds to him. Repent and love him, you too will feel the happiness I feel and you too could walk in the paradise known as Heaven with Jesus and me someday.

As my cousin so wonderfully put it (if I have to bury anyone else close to me or should I go before my loved ones), "instead of saying bye I want to say, see you later"! Through Christ is the only way to eternity and the only way of saying "see you later"!

I ask anyone who stumbles upon this to pray for the members in my family who do not believe or have a relationship with Christ, to open their hearts to him. For the Lord to somehow work himself into their lives. I also ask that you please continue to pray for My cousin John, my Uncle John and our entire family during this time.

Can't get enough...

Of him... the love of my life! My rock, my best friend, my soul mate! ( sorry this is the only picture I have of him! He is going kill me if he sees this, but I don't care lol)


Of her... my little spitfire! She is wonderfully loving and outgoing! I will never get tired of the little love notes she leaves me in random places of the house. I will never grow tired of her fun spirit!


Of him... my buddy! He is my handsome young man who secretly cuddles with me every night! I will never get tired of his late night I love you's and kisses :) He keeps me laughing all day everyday!

Of them... my first and my last babies! They are both full of life and innocents! My angel is an old soul who has a spark in her eye. My sunshine is just that... a ray of sun every time she smiles at me! I will never get tired of the sweet hugs I get from both of them.

With the sad news of my cousin, I can't seem to get enough of my family. I cherish every hug, every kiss and every I love you! This is my family and this is my life. I have noticed a change in us this week, I have let the little stuff go! I don't care if they all fight, if they run me ragged, if my house is total chaos... I just don't care and my house is seems peaceful! Life is full of unexpected surprises, good and bad. You never what life has in store for you, so I will no longer take my family, my life, my friends, the little stuff for granted again! To my magnificent family... I love you all with every part of my being. You all make me smile even if I don't want to. My life is truly wonderful in every way and it is because God put you all in my life. Love is something I am so happy to say that I have found in my life. Not just the words "I love you", but the never ending, take your breath away, heart swelling LOVE! I thank God for that and all of you :)

Please, please, please keep my cousin John in your prayers. He desperately needs them, he needs a miracle and I know God is capable of this... if we all PRAY!!!! Through Christ all things are possible :)

they fell right on me

a TON of bricks that is!

Let me start off by telling you that my dear cousin John was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. This in itself was a major blow to our family, not only was he dealing with this but my Uncle (his dad) has been dealing with cancer for years. John and I are the same age...he is just 2 months older than me!

Anyway I knew he had some testing last week that was going to tell us how it spread, how fast and treatment options. So I knew today was the day for answers to all of this. My day started out well, I checked my email and facebook to see if anyone in my family messaged me and they hadn't. So I went to clean today, came home in a good mood and was ready to clean my house and the garage. I again checked everything to see if there was any news and again there wasn't!

I was on facebook and got a message that said call me from my Aunt! I immediately called, hoping she had some wonderful news to tell... it was AWFUL! I was in my garage when I called her and the news I got was, he has stage 4, incurable cancer! It was as if a ton of bricks fell on top of me and I couldn't move. The only thing my body was able to do was cry and shake. I honestly had not thought of this even being an option. I know people say to think of the worse case scenerio and all I thought was he will have to have radiation, surgery and chemo! Never in a million years did I think this would be the news he got from the doctor. I was so incredibly sad all day. I prayed and prayed and prayed, it was all I felt like I could do! I worshiped a lot as well. It was the only thing holding me up today after I got this call.

This just makes me think even more, make sure you tell your loved ones how you feel everyday. You never know what life will bring you or your loved ones. John and I have grown up, he lives in another state and we haven't talked in over a year. I did however grow up with him, he was a a favorite cousin of mine! I am very much in contact with his dad, sister and his mom! We are still family and I just feel so helpless.

I made sure today was a good day for my kids. I want to be a better mom and better everything to everyone, you never know what might happen! I made sure my kids had extra hugs, kisses and I love you's today. I made sure J knew I loved him before he left for work this evening. This is something I will be doing everyday. Life can be short and I don't want to take anyone in my life for granted at all. God was my strength today and I hope he is the strength that will get my family through all of this. My girls prayed for John tonight and we had a talk about cancer. It was something that was very hard for me to get through without breaking down, but I did it. I am happy to share this news with my girls and them to see that God is the one who will help us! Such a good feeling to a horrible day!

Through all of the sadness, I will continue to praise the Lord. I will worship him for all he is and all he does. He is bigger than all of this and I know he will get everyone through this. He gives me hope in Heaven and eternal life! I pray for his return everyday. I don't want to do this here, I don't want to feel anymore sadness, anymore pain, I don't ever want to have to bury anyone close to me again. I want to share joy and laughter everyday with all the ones I love and most of all celebrate everyday with Jesus. The day will come, but until then... I will do all I can to bring him Glory and trust in him!

Hug your babies tonight and thank the Lord for that extra hug :)

Please pray for John and our entire family during this very difficult time.

23 days

Today marks 23 days until my Fundraiser!!!! I am super excited the month is finally here, but super freaked about not having all of the little things even started yet!

I once again am just completely overwhelmed by the amount of individuals and businesses who were willing to donate for our auctions, raffles and door prizes! All of the stuff was transferred from my house to my mom's house because I ran out of room to store it all ( plus little fingers were pulling things out, lol)! We have bags and bags and bags and bags to go through next week. It is awesome!

I must confess ( just so I remember this feeling next year) that I am so worried people are not going to purchase tickets to attend! I have a ton of people who say they want to go or plan on going but not actually buying tickets! I have a pretty good start to my guest list, but I just wish I could fill it up quickly so I know what to expect! The unknown is what is getting to me. I am an organizer, a planner, I am the one who has every detail of a big party planned out, so this is new to me!

I will totally be happy with whatever number of guests we have. I will also be thrilled with whatever dollar amount we make, even if we don't hit my goal of $5000! I know that every dollar I raise is one more dollar they didn't have! I will say I have raised $525 through my web page and another team mate as raised $50! So that alone is absolutely wonderful!

The next couple of weeks is going to be so crazy and hectic for me, but I hope I can do it all with patience and full of energy! My goofy self decided to have a yard sale this upcoming week as well, so I just added to my work load for no good reason at all, lol! Oh well, the money I make at the sale will in return be used on auction items at the fundraiser :)

If interested in the Fundraiser details or if you are interested in attending please click on any of the purple Fundraisers and all of the details are in there! Please pray for me, my committee and the event itself. Pray it is a success, we don't get stressed out, we all stay healthy this month, we have fun doing the final plannings and no matter what happens that we are happy with the end result! God is good and I know this is all happening because of him, to God be the Glory!