they fell right on me

a TON of bricks that is!

Let me start off by telling you that my dear cousin John was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. This in itself was a major blow to our family, not only was he dealing with this but my Uncle (his dad) has been dealing with cancer for years. John and I are the same age...he is just 2 months older than me!

Anyway I knew he had some testing last week that was going to tell us how it spread, how fast and treatment options. So I knew today was the day for answers to all of this. My day started out well, I checked my email and facebook to see if anyone in my family messaged me and they hadn't. So I went to clean today, came home in a good mood and was ready to clean my house and the garage. I again checked everything to see if there was any news and again there wasn't!

I was on facebook and got a message that said call me from my Aunt! I immediately called, hoping she had some wonderful news to tell... it was AWFUL! I was in my garage when I called her and the news I got was, he has stage 4, incurable cancer! It was as if a ton of bricks fell on top of me and I couldn't move. The only thing my body was able to do was cry and shake. I honestly had not thought of this even being an option. I know people say to think of the worse case scenerio and all I thought was he will have to have radiation, surgery and chemo! Never in a million years did I think this would be the news he got from the doctor. I was so incredibly sad all day. I prayed and prayed and prayed, it was all I felt like I could do! I worshiped a lot as well. It was the only thing holding me up today after I got this call.

This just makes me think even more, make sure you tell your loved ones how you feel everyday. You never know what life will bring you or your loved ones. John and I have grown up, he lives in another state and we haven't talked in over a year. I did however grow up with him, he was a a favorite cousin of mine! I am very much in contact with his dad, sister and his mom! We are still family and I just feel so helpless.

I made sure today was a good day for my kids. I want to be a better mom and better everything to everyone, you never know what might happen! I made sure my kids had extra hugs, kisses and I love you's today. I made sure J knew I loved him before he left for work this evening. This is something I will be doing everyday. Life can be short and I don't want to take anyone in my life for granted at all. God was my strength today and I hope he is the strength that will get my family through all of this. My girls prayed for John tonight and we had a talk about cancer. It was something that was very hard for me to get through without breaking down, but I did it. I am happy to share this news with my girls and them to see that God is the one who will help us! Such a good feeling to a horrible day!

Through all of the sadness, I will continue to praise the Lord. I will worship him for all he is and all he does. He is bigger than all of this and I know he will get everyone through this. He gives me hope in Heaven and eternal life! I pray for his return everyday. I don't want to do this here, I don't want to feel anymore sadness, anymore pain, I don't ever want to have to bury anyone close to me again. I want to share joy and laughter everyday with all the ones I love and most of all celebrate everyday with Jesus. The day will come, but until then... I will do all I can to bring him Glory and trust in him!

Hug your babies tonight and thank the Lord for that extra hug :)

Please pray for John and our entire family during this very difficult time.