Wow, Dr.Phil did a story on my life, but used different people today! It was so weird for me to sit down and watch this. I never get to watch Dr.Phil and today I sat down to relax before the girls get home and it was called "Controlling Chaos"! The Mom is 27, her husband is a firefighter (not the same as J but consist of the same hours away from home), they have 4 children and their 2nd child was being a terror. The Mom is overwhelmed all of the time, no breaks, but to go to the store!Her husband is always at work and she's at home dealing with 4 fighting, arguing, defiant, crying and screaming kids all day, everyday! This is my life!!!! I was just in awe of this actually being on TV, I kept saying, "oh my gosh this is my exact life"!
To lay down at night to go to bed and all you can think about is your head pounding because you have done nothing, but nag and yell all day. Your kids went to bed thinking you were mad at them. Struggling to be nice to them after they have been so horrible. Trying really hard to reinforce positive attitude when you really just want to give up. Wanting to run sometimes, but have no where to go, but your bathroom! Wanting and yearning for adult conversation or company! Most of the time wanting to have people visit, but not really wanting anyone to stop by because your house is always a mess and you would never want anyone to see it ( even though all you do is pick up and clean)!!!! These are a couple of my struggles that I deal with daily!
I LOVE my life, my kids, my husband, my FAMILY, but sometimes it can be overwhelming! I am usually not this honest with my family life. I am not sure how some will feel about this or me after reading this, but I don't really care...it's my life! I don't hate my life at all and I hope this doesn't come off as everyday is bad or depressing. I am not a depressed person no matter how overwhelmed I am. My life is great, just sometimes it gets overwhelming! I just kind of go into the wishing phases I have. I hate the wishing phases after they are over. I do not envy as I know this is a sin, but sometimes I wish for better days, more of an adult life, more understanding from people when I need to vent, wishing I didn't need to vent, wishing I didn't feel like a horrible Mom, wishing my kids could see how much I try, how much I love them even through the troubled times! I just find myself wishing!
No parent knows how to do everything perfect and I am absolutely the first to say I am NEVER perfect! I always wish there was a parent fairy to help me in situations I have no idea how to deal with! I always try to find the right answers when my kids ask me a question, I always try to think about what I am about to do or say when my children are acting up, but sometimes my nerves get the best of me and I explode... not a good feeling at all!
Back to my Dr.Phil episode, he helped me to see how my parenting is more damaging to my children than it is helping. I need to be more positive, I need to stop raising my voice, I should always stay calm and controlled and they will too. I need to stay consistent with my punishments and pick my battles. I really think everything he said to my "mock family" was so helpful and true. I feel a little better about the battles I will be facing in the evening with the girls and their arguing!
I will say Dr.Phil said how important it is for a stay at mom to get her breaks!!!!! YAY, Dr.Phil :) He said that DOES NOT consist of going to the store! I was sooooo excited to hear him say this. He said Moms need adult life, adult conversations, girls nights and date nights with spouses! I ocassionaly get the date night, but MAYBE 2X's a year I get a girls night! I will be working on this, maybe this will help with my insanity, my anxiety, my overwhelming nerves! J works tons of hours each week, so me finding time or a babysitter to go out will be tough! It is a goal to try and get out 2x's a month, once with J and once with the girls!
I have always felt ashamed to feel these feelings, let alone blog about them. I just always feel like I am the only Mom who lives like this... until my "mock family" came on Dr.Phil! Please if you are a stay at home mom with no life, but your children, tell me your secrets to stay sane everyday! Tell me your secrets to feel rejuvenated to start the next day with a nice clean slate! Tell me any and all secrets that I don't know :) My eyes and ears are completly open :)
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I saw it to and you are one of many, myself included. I would not say that I stay sane but I'm slowly learning to. I've only been staying home for a year and 3 months. Not sure if that makes it harder or easier.
ReplyDeleteI have learned so much through Carter's Montessori school. If you have never heard of Montessori (I had not before sending him there) you should look into it. Basically it teaches a kid complete independence, this is their house and they have jobs to do and they learn to take pride in their work. At his school the kids prepare the snack (as easy as being told to grab with tongs 3 carrots and 3 pieces of cheese, makes them count and works on fine motor skills), they sit down and eat it, then clean up their spot, then clean up any crumbs, spills etc. They use little brooms, mops, sponges, everything. They all have a job and all do their work. They are taught to put a hand on the shoulder of the adult you need to talk to, the adult taps their hand to let them know they are there, then talks to them when they are finished. Carter will do this with me from time to time but not always. Montessori is all about everything being at the child's level. If they can't see it at eye level it doesn't exist. I have a lot of Montessori info (websites, books) if you want more info.
At home, I have the kid plates, silverware and a few cups in a low cabinet so Carter can help set the table. Kelsey has now realized that she can do the same and will often grab a plate and tell me hungry. She has set the table once. Of course, this does mean she will pretend to have a picnic and all of them are on the floor occassionally but oh well. The juice and milk (when I remember to fill it) is in small containers so Carter can refill his cup. I often find myself doing it for him and it did take him throwing himself on the floor saying he couldn't do it for about a week before he finally gave in and did it. Still worth it. All the kids art stuff is in another low cabinet so they can get it out without asking. A lot of what makes my day easier took refusing to do things for the kids and putting up with the tantrums for about a week and making sure they had access to whatever they needed. I try to cut out TV as much as possible. I notice a bit difference in the type of play and attitude I see when I cut it out. Even though they only watch 4-5 shows that I approve of and DVR it still makes a difference to just cut it out. It' a bit scary cause you think the kids will drive you nuts but it's actually awesome to see their imagination start to take off and see them interact with each other more.
Yes I still yell and scream at my kids, I still feel like I've been hit by a bus from time to time. Really though, I have found that I'm the one that needs to change, not my kids. They are reacting to me. It's my lack of attention to them because I'm tired of only talking to toddlers, I'm tired of the same crap everyday, tired of wishing the exact same things you do.
This became really long, sorry. We MUST set up a play date soon!!!